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New And Improved
'Lite' Church!

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Does it seem to you that churches these days just expect too much from their people? Well before you remember that Jesus told us to pick up our cross and follow Him daily, read the following announcement.

Has the heaviness of your old fashioned church got you weighted down? Try us! We are the New and Improved Lite Church of the Valley. Studies have shown we have 24% fewer commitments than other churches. We guarantee to trim off guilt, because we are Low-Cal.

Low Calvin, that is. We are the home of the 7.5% tithe. We promise 40-minute worship services, with 10-minute sermons.

Next Sunday's exciting text is the story of the Feeding of the 3,000.

We have only 8 Commandments - - You choose which ones apply each week.

We use just 3 gospels in our contemporary New Testament "Good Sound Bites for Modern Human Beings".

We take the offering every other week, all major credit cards accepted, of course, or use our easy payment plan.

We are closed the first week of hunting season.

Yes, the New and Improved Lite Church of the Valley could be just what you are looking for.

We are everything you want in a church . . . and less!

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