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The Gospel-24/7
Pastoral Search Committee Report
Dr. B. F. Dearmore and I published a similar story 50 years
ago in our Independent Baptist paper, "The Message" -- JHD

Submitted by -- Herb Evans
Follow Book & Flag

After studying the pastoral qualifications in Timothy, we do not have a good report to give. We have been unable to find a suitable candidate for this church, although we have one promising prospect left. We do appreciate all the following suggestions from the church; we have followed up on each one with interviews and reference checks. The following is a confidential report on those, which we have rejected for the following reasons; only first names given:

1. Adam - Good man but has wife trouble.

2. Noah - former pastorate of 120 years with no converts, problem with the bottle, and a wayward son morals problem.

3. Abraham - Scandal ridden, offered wife to another man, child abuse

4. Joseph - dreamer, prison record

5. Moses - poor communicator, stutters, unanswered murder charge

6. David - affair with neighbor's wife, hired a hit man to kill husband

7. Solomon - husband of more than one wife, in fact parsonage too small

8. Elijah - prone to depression and nervous break downs

9. Elisha - reported to have live with a single widow at former church

10. Hosea - our congregation could not handle his wife's occupation

11. Jeremiah - emotionally unstable, alarmist, negative, lamenter, reported to have buried underwear on a foreign river bank, claims to have a set of recreated originals

12. Isaiah - language problems, on the fringe, claims to see angels

13. Jonah - refuses to preach to the lost unless forced to by God

14. Amos - backward and unpolished, does not like the rich

15. John - does not dress like a Baptist, weird diet, provokes higher powers

16. Peter - bad temper, curses, hypocrite in racial matters, loose cannon

17. Paul - uses racial epitaphs, preaches all night

18. Timothy - too young and single

19. Jesus - dwindled church of 5,000 down to 12 or 120, offends folks

20. Judas - His references are solid. Good connections. Knows how to handle money, has compassion for poor. He is preaching for us Sunday. Possibilities here.

Edited - Original Source Unknown

What do you think about their proposed Pastor?

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