After studying the pastoral qualifications in Timothy, we do not have a good report to give. We have been unable to find a suitable candidate for this church, although we have one promising prospect left. We do appreciate all the following suggestions from the church; we have followed up on each one with interviews and reference checks. The following is a confidential report on those, which we have rejected for the following reasons; only first names given:
1. Adam - Good man but has wife trouble.
2. Noah - former pastorate of 120 years with no converts, problem with the bottle, and a wayward son morals problem.
3. Abraham - Scandal ridden, offered wife to another man, child abuse
4. Joseph - dreamer, prison record
5. Moses - poor communicator, stutters, unanswered murder charge
6. David - affair with neighbor's wife, hired a hit man to kill husband
7. Solomon - husband of more than one wife, in fact parsonage too small
8. Elijah - prone to depression and nervous break downs
9. Elisha - reported to have live with a single widow at former church
10. Hosea - our congregation could not handle his wife's occupation
11. Jeremiah - emotionally unstable, alarmist, negative, lamenter, reported to have buried underwear on a foreign river bank, claims to have a set of recreated originals
12. Isaiah - language problems, on the fringe, claims to see angels
13. Jonah - refuses to preach to the lost unless forced to by God
14. Amos - backward and unpolished, does not like the rich
15. John - does not dress like a Baptist, weird diet, provokes higher powers
16. Peter - bad temper, curses, hypocrite in racial matters, loose cannon
17. Paul - uses racial epitaphs, preaches all night
18. Timothy - too young and single
19. Jesus - dwindled church of 5,000 down to 12 or 120, offends folks
20. Judas - His references are solid. Good connections. Knows how to handle money, has compassion for poor. He is preaching for us Sunday. Possibilities here.
Edited - Original Source Unknown
What do you think about their proposed Pastor?