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There were many years that I did not want anyone to come visit me because my house was dirty. When I was going through all those years of crippling depression, I was unable to clean my house. I wanted to make my bed and I would pick up the sheet to spread it, but I would just stand there crying. I was literally unable to make my bed.
I could not walk out to the end of the trailer park to the mailbox. I could not take the garbage out and I was so embarrassed when my sister would come over and see all the empty Cheerios boxes sitting on the floor. I keep my house very clean now, but at that time, I could not do anything because of the anger in my heart that I turned on myself.
Just as I was unable to clean my house, I was unable to change my heart. I tried for years to forgive people who had hurt me, but I still had bitterness and hatred in my heart. Nothing changed in my heart until I admitted to Jesus how I was feeling. He already knew, but He was waiting for me to tell Him and ask for help.
What is the condition of your heart today? Is it filled with anger, hatred, malice, and filthy communication? You will never be able to effectively change the way you live your life until you allow Jesus to change your heart. If you need help, please swallow your pride and ask Jesus to change your heart.