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Inspirational Article
From
Joanne Lowe
Index of Writings by Joanne Lowe on Gospel Web
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Inspirational Article
From
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I do not want to write this devotional because it is very painful for me to talk about my life and the crippling devastating depression I was in every day for over forty years before Jesus rescued me. However, God told me to write this and I want to be obedient to Him. How true this is; “If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.” Before Jesus set me free, I not only was in bondage to sin; I was also in bondage to my thoughts, to people, and to fear.
There was a time in my life when the doctors prescribed so much medicine for my depression that I was taking thirty six pills a day. If I had side effects from one of the pills, they would prescribe another pill for that. I was literally a walking zombie. I was so drugged up that I would go to bed at six in the evening and get up at two the next afternoon and then go back to bed at six again. I was only awake four hours out of every day. This sleep pattern continued for three months.
I had checked myself into mental hospitals several times when I was younger because I felt suicidal and I was afraid that I would commit suicide. I wasn’t sure if I could keep going with all the fear, pain and tortured thoughts that I was having. I didn’t want to kill myself because I had been to Sunday School when I was a teenager and one of my Sunday School teachers had told us that it was a sin to commit suicide. I was in a terrible state of panic all the time because I didn’t want to hurt God by committing suicide but I couldn’t take the pain any more. I didn’t know what to do and there was nobody that I could turn to for comfort, advice, and understanding.
For several years I lived in constant fear of being locked up in a mental institution again. Many people thought that I was a danger to myself just because I wouldn’t respond when they said something to me or asked me something. I was unable to respond to them. I couldn’t talk to them because I had a poor self image. Indeed, I had no self image.
I had been told for many years that I was no good and that I was ugly and fat. I was told that nobody could possibly love me and that I didn’t have a right to live. When you are told these things repeatedly for so many years, you begin to believe it. I really believed all of those vicious lies.
For many years, I believed that I was worthless; that I was nothing but garbage and that I didn’t have a right to live. Because of all the cruel things that had been said to me and done to me during my childhood years, I was frightened of everyone and everything. I certainly didn’t trust anybody. I couldn’t look anyone in the eyes because I was terrified of being hurt and abused again.
I thought that people would think that I was feeling suicidal if I didn’t answer the telephone immediately. If the telephone rang when I was sitting on the toilet, I would literally stop in the middle of what I was doing and go answer the telephone. Indeed, I was in bondage to my tortured thoughts. However one glorious day, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords whose heart is filled with compassion, understanding and mercy reached down and lifted me up out of my bondage and set me free and I have never been the same.
Is it any wonder that I say and will continue to say until the day I die, “There is no one like Jesus”! No one loves us like Jesus loves us. He is a friend beyond compare. He never leaves us, not even for a minute. We may leave Him, but He doesn’t leave us. He is faithful, true and altogether lovely. He is the beautiful Rose of Sharon. He not only is the fragrance of love; He is love! He is the bright and morning star. He gives us love, hope, light, encouragement, tenderness, faithfulness, understanding, mercy, grace, kindness and gentleness. Yes, there is freedom in Jesus and we can trust Him with our lives.
If today you are in bondage to satan, to fears, to people and to your thoughts, reach up and take the hand of Jesus. He is waiting with His hand stretched downward and with a heart filled with compassion and unconditional love to lift you up from every burden you are carrying. He will gently and tenderly kiss the tears from your eyes.
For many years, you have been wearing a mask so that others can’t see the pain and fear in your heart. You smile at people, but it is an artificial smile. It doesn’t come from your heart. You don’t have to carry your heavy burdens alone. In fact, it is impossible to carry your heavy burdens by yourself. The Bible says that we are to encourage each another and if we don’t encourage one another not only are we sinning, we are also hurting Jesus.
However, only Jesus can take the pain, horror and fear from our hearts. Only Jesus knows the horrors that we have endured; the beatings, rape and cruelty that we have never shared with anyone. Oh, we might have shared a few things but we have been reluctant to share everything for fear that people wouldn’t really understand or even care about what happened to us. I urge you to share your heart with Jesus and allow Him to comfort you and take those heavy burdens away forever!