You know it is time to reassess your relationship with your computer when . . .

1. You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and stop to check your email on the way back to bed. (Well, something important might have come in. How else could I know?)
2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one. (But my computer is the only person I know who will really listen to me, instead of thinking about what he is going to say when I get finished.)
3. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free internet access. (But we all need the education anyway, don't we? Is it my fault they won't take me back? Well, maybe, but that's really a different story.)
4. You laugh at people with 28.8 modems. (It's not nice to laugh at unfortunate people.)
5. You start using smileys :-) in your snail mail. (Some of us were using smileys in snail mail and a lot of other places before the rest of you were even found in the cabbage patch. ;-)
6. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com. (No comment needed here.)
7. You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't have a computer. (I took care of that by chipping in when my little brother got her one.)
8. When your email box shows "no new messages" and you feel really depressed. (I don't know about this one. My email box never shows "no new messages". At least, hardly ever.)
9. You don't know the gender of your three closest friends because they have nondescript screen names and you never bothered to ask. (A friend is a friend is a friend is a friend.)
10. You move into a new house and you decide to netscape before you landscape. (If only I had the money . . .)
11. Your family always knows where you are. (We used to call that reliability, didn't we? Would you rather they thought I was in the bar across town?)
12. In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say "LOL, LOL." (It takes less energy.)
13. After reading this message, you immediately forward it to a friend! (Or several!)